Having been to many conferences, I have (from experience) seen with (my own eyes) what makes for a big Splash. So if you want to make a Big Splash (from herein known as *BS) you should do as these authors** have done:

10 Ways to Make a Big Splash (*BS) at a book conference! 

1) Run after literary agents. Follow them everywhere. Hassle agents in the bathroom about submissions – slide the darn thing right under the door of their stall if they insist on acting coy.

2) Carry a huge, sloppy, manuscript around and beg people to read it. Better still, if you can carry two or three of these around in canvas bags slung over your shoulders, that’s effective too. Follow agents around like a pack horse whinnying your pitch.

3) Make sure your “look” for the conference is eye-catching. Sequins, expanses of bare skin, feather boas (the kind that shed floaty feathers are the best) and a huge hat and/or lots of jewelry will set you apart.

4) Wear a long necklace with clips and put all your cards and bookmarks on it. Pull them off and hand them to Everyone you meet. Make sure your nametag is particularly flashy.

5) When you put your cards and bookmarks on the promo tables, make sure to sweep everyone else’s promo shit aside. When it’s your turn to man your publisher’s table, idem. Push everyone else’s promotional material aside and set yours front and center. If anything falls on the floor, ignore it.

6) Chase after the male models screaming ‘I want your BABY!’

7) Don’t forget to tell everyone that Your book is the only good one out there – the rest is just trash. Badmouth your fellow authors.

8) Hang out at the bar & drink cosmos until your see triple, and make sure you flirt with everyone. Falling off your bar stool gets you noticed as well.

9) Badmouth your agent, your publisher, or your editor (thank you, Kate, for reminding me of this one!)

10) Run up a tab at the bar, and “forget” to pay it. Empty the fridge in your room. Leave it to your roommates to sort it out.

If you do all these things, I promise that people will be talking about your *BS for years to come.

**N.B. I have actually seen all of these things happen at conferences!