…Reading the news in the morning. It ruins my entire day sometimes.

Decided to clean house and finish wrapping presents. My daughter counted the presents under the tree. Wanted to know why she only had 1.
(I’ve hidden the rest. This is called torturing your child.)
“Because we’re only giving you one present this year. But don’t worry. You’ll love the book..I mean present.”

“One book?” (Outraged tone of voice.)

“Did I say book? Ignore it. Forget what I said. Christmas is all about the birth of Christ, not presents. In order to become more Christian this year, I’ve decided to forego presents. Too commercial.”

“What?! What about the presents the three kings gave to Jesus. Shouldn’t I get at least three presents?”

“Well, if you insist. I don’t know where I’ll get the myrhh though. Insense is easy, and I suppose I have an old gold ring somewhere I can wrap up.”

Daughter narrows eyes. “I was thinking more along the lines of a pony, and a new saddle blanket.”

“Forget it. Gold, insense, and mryhh.”

“I’ve decided to become Jewish. That way I get eight presents.”

“You have to know how to speak Hebrew. Can you speak Hebrew? No? Well, no Hannukka presents. Sorry.”

“How about we become Muslims and celebrate Eid ul-Adha? OK?”

“You know that calls for sacrificing the family’s best domestic animal. Do you want us to have to kill Auguste?”

“That’s not for dogs! It’s for sheep, goats, or cows!”

“Or ponies. Maybe you can get a pony for Christmas and we can sacrifice it for Eid ul-Adha?”

“Stop teasing me!” (howls)

(Kids have no sense of humor.)
Actually, neither do religeous fanatics so I’d better stop here. Never fear, we won’t sacrifice Auguste – he’s too young and too small, for one thing. Hannukka is already over (I hope my Jewish friends had a happy Hannukka) and so we’ll just have to stick with celebrating Christmas. Somehow I have to convince my daughter that the poor and meek will inherit the earth, and when that happens, we’ll have all the ponies and horses she’ll need.
🙂

My daughter (despite being told that NO she cannot have a horse) is still begging me.
Here are 3 things my kids have asked me for Christmas that they never got:
A flying carpet.
“But Mom, it does so exist! We saw it in that film – Aladin! Don’t you remember?”
Sebastian, 7 yrs. old. Absolutely convinced that there were magic carpets, and that I didn’t want to give him one because I was afraid he’d fall off.
“I promise, I’ll hold on tight! I won’t go too far!”
He kept this up for THREE weeks. I finally gave him the prayer rug my uncle had brought me back from the first Gulf war from Kuwait. Sebi sat on the rug and tried to make it fly for hours. Anyone catching sight of him would have been amazed at how devout this little boy was, kneeling on his prayer rug, facing the open window.
An equine.
A little shetland pony.
A pony.
A donkey.
A small horse.
A horse.
My daughter has grown from pony to horse, but she still begs. The answer is still
No,
No,
No.
NO!
A cell phone.
“But Mom, I can’t keep using the pay phone at the school. There’s always a long line of kids there, and I have to wait to call you. If I don’t have to wait, I can call you sooner, and you won’t have to spend as much time in the car.” (Yes Alex, this was you, darling. You’re in college now, so you can probably catch the mistake.)
Update: This was written in December 2007. In 2011, we bought our daughter a pony. Alex eventually got his cellphone. But Sebi still hasn’t gotten a flying carpet. Sometimes you never get what you want! 

And for all my friends for this holiday season:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8