…Reading the news in the morning. It ruins my entire day sometimes.
Decided to clean house and finish wrapping presents. My daughter counted the presents under the tree. Wanted to know why she only had 1.
(I’ve hidden the rest. This is called torturing your child.)
“Because we’re only giving you one present this year. But don’t worry. You’ll love the book..I mean present.”
“One book?” (Outraged tone of voice.)
“Did I say book? Ignore it. Forget what I said. Christmas is all about the birth of Christ, not presents. In order to become more Christian this year, I’ve decided to forego presents. Too commercial.”
“What?! What about the presents the three kings gave to Jesus. Shouldn’t I get at least three presents?”
“Well, if you insist. I don’t know where I’ll get the myrhh though. Insense is easy, and I suppose I have an old gold ring somewhere I can wrap up.”
Daughter narrows eyes. “I was thinking more along the lines of a pony, and a new saddle blanket.”
“Forget it. Gold, insense, and mryhh.”
“I’ve decided to become Jewish. That way I get eight presents.”
“You have to know how to speak Hebrew. Can you speak Hebrew? No? Well, no Hannukka presents. Sorry.”
“How about we become Muslims and celebrate Eid ul-Adha? OK?”
“You know that calls for sacrificing the family’s best domestic animal. Do you want us to have to kill Auguste?”
“That’s not for dogs! It’s for sheep, goats, or cows!”
“Or ponies. Maybe you can get a pony for Christmas and we can sacrifice it for Eid ul-Adha?”
“Stop teasing me!” (howls)
(Kids have no sense of humor.)
Actually, neither do religeous fanatics so I’d better stop here. Never fear, we won’t sacrifice Auguste – he’s too young and too small, for one thing. Hannukka is already over (I hope my Jewish friends had a happy Hannukka) and so we’ll just have to stick with celebrating Christmas. Somehow I have to convince my daughter that the poor and meek will inherit the earth, and when that happens, we’ll have all the ponies and horses she’ll need.
And for all my friends for this holiday season: