Dear Mr. Fillon,

Here is my application for a job with you. It has come to my attention that you may have a job opening and I would like to submit my candidature. First of all, I have to say I have excellent references as a translator and writer. Your wife, I believe,  translated one page and wrote another page, so for that job, I am practically overqualified. Your wife had no real job title  but she was called “an assistant”, and I also have excellent references as an assistant. Unfortunately, I have no qualifications as a lawyer, but since you already hired students (your children, in fact) claiming they were lawyers, I think that will be no problem. I already have a job, and don’t have too much time to consecrate to you, but since your wife was paid 500,000€ for writing two pages of text over about 8 years, I think I can squeeze in a few moments for you.

I’ll even work more for less, which is one of your platforms for the election “Work More, Earn Less!” you told state workers, earning the admiration of slave drivers everywhere. I can’t understand why that’s not your campaign slogan. Instead of 40,000€ a year for writing one paragraph, I’ll write two paragraphs each year for 20,000€ – what do you think? It’s a deal! Twice as much work as your wife did for half the price! Just think how happy your voters will be.

And as for skimming off funds earmarked for the State, I can promise that I won’t ever mention it again.  We won’t say a thing.*wink wink*.

Please consider my candidature – I feel I am highly qualified to do as much work as your wife and children (combined, obviously),  and I will look the other way when you write checks to yourself – oh drat, I promised I wouldn’t mention that. Ignore that last phrase. Just hire me. I’ve researched a lot jobs, but yours is by far the best paid and most interesting: Do Nothing, Earn 500k. Now there’s a good campaign slogan.

 

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