Day 1: The crowds were Yuge. Don’t let the naysayers gainsay you. And you know who you are. I compared them to crowds all over the world, and mine were certainly the best. I know there are some who want to believe that they were not, but that’s an alternative fact, and therefore completely wrong. Note to self – tweet about yuge crowds. Everything about me is big, especially my crowds. 

Day 1: My speech was good, I must admit. I wrote it myself, with just a little help. I have to say, I thought I sounded good. My followers voters could understand everything, I made sure it was simple and to the point.

Day 1: Melly was so supportive and looked terrific. I was proud to be with her. Too bad Melly can’t really understand everything that I say. Take it back. It’s fine. I understand myself. That’s all that counts. And she has great legs.

Day 1: Kelly is amazing. So smart. Telling that journalist spawn of Hell that he had presented Alternative Facts. I was so proud of her. She’s fantastic. Too bad she’s so flat chested. I may offer her a boob job for her bday. Go me. I have the best ideas.

Day 1: This day is the longest day of my life. It started early and ended late. I only tweeted twice. Is that what withdrawal is like? I’ll have to ask Kelly.

Day 1: I have to make a list of what is really important for my new job, and what is going to make the liberal journalists spawns of Hell foam at the mouth. By only talking about what is important, I may risk sounding like I don’t know what is going on. Oh, note to self – take that ad down from ebay about the bronze bust of MLK – the The journalists spawns of Hell saw it was missing and I had to put it back right away.

Day 1:So I start to speak and the rain stops. It’s a miracle. I’m amazing. Of course, no one else noticed. They were too involved listening to my incredible speech. Or else they were journalists spawns of Hell busy writing lies about me.

Day 1: Looking forward to the parties tonight. Got to dance with some of the old bats who donated money to my party. As if I needed money. Melly says “be nice to zem”. She’s such a good influence on me. When I can understand what she’s saying. She’s perfect. She’d never dream of marching in a woman’s march. I told her so and her eyes glazed over. I think that’s the look I like the best – that sweet little puzzled frown just barely wrinkling her botoxed brow.

Day1: Can’t wait until today is over and I can read the rightwing nut journals glowing accounts of my inauguration day. Breitbart will have the best articles, I pay them enough. Of course the liberal journalists spawns of Hell  will be spreading lies about me – I’ll have to see which ones I can buy in order to get some good press from them. Damn journalists spawns of Hell. Next their going to ask me to release my tax returns. Hahahaha. That will be the day.