Thirteen things I learned from my dogs

1. Dead things really, really smell bad. Especially if they’ve been dead for over a week, and it’s hot out, and your dog rolls in it and then lies down on the sofa.

2. Sofas never really let go of bad odors.

3. Rugs look strange when the fringe gets chewed off.

4. Leashes and collars should be made from chains, otherwise they can be bitten through in about two minutes flat.

5. Three a.m. is a bad time to wake up the neighbors with hysterical barking. They are sure to mention it next time you meet.

6. Small holes near the fence should be filled in right away, or else dogs can dig their way out and find their way to the neighbor’s house and remind him why he never got a dog.

7. Toilet training takes longer than you think. Dog piss does wash out of socks and slippers, but it’s best not to step in it in the first place…

8. Barbie dolls look terrible with chewed up heads.

9. Leaving something on the floor is only an option if you want to find only half of it the next day.

10. A determined dog can dig up a tiled floor. (this one didn’t happen to me, but I saw the result. Oh boy.)

11. A Labrador retriever can chew up and swallow an entire large size tupperware bowl and its lid, but some pieces can get stuck in the digestive system resulting in a vet bill that would have paid a month’s rent.

12. A large dog, tied to a cement block, is a bad idea on a brand new lawn.

13. No matter how mad you are and how angry you get, your dog always forgives you.