I found this lying on the sidewalk the other day and shamelessly copied it into my blog.
Monday. Day named after the Norse god Odin. So why isn’t it Odinday? I’ll have to ask Ron, he knows everything. Katie is a real trooper. She gets up and nurses the baby every five hours around the clock and never complains. She constantly amazes me. I have to look up the baby’s name again because I forgot it. I know it means two different things, and one of them is Princess. Why didn’t we just name her Princess? Much easier to remember. Note to self – write baby’s name on arm with pen until it sinks in.
Katie didn’t make a sound during the birth, we were so proud. She hasn’t actually made a sound since, come to think about it, but that’s all right – the baby screams enough for the both of them. Note to self – send maid out to buy earplugs so I can get a decent night’s sleep tonight.
Katie can have them when the baby is weaned. And sleeping through the night.
Princess, I mean baby, is still screaming. Yesterday we found out that it was due to something called colic. Katie was crying, so I don’t know if she paid attention. I’ll have to get the scientologist doctor back in again so he can lecture her about that – she has to learn to pay attention.
I’m so glad she’s a trooper. I don’t know what I’d do if she went all sissy on me and had a depression and needed a shrink. Luckily she converted to scientology so she understands the futility of depression and shrinks. I told her that baby blues didn’t exist. It’s all in a woman’s head, I told her. She just looked at me with her adoring eyes and agreed. What a trooper! Get them young and malleable said the scientologist priests to me, when I told them I was thinking about giving up on women all together. They knew what they were talking about. Those older women have too many preconceived ideas. My first wife was too butch, my second wife was too sucessful, Penelope didn’t want to convert…Only Katie understands me.
It’s getting hard to concentrate with all the crying going on. I think I’ll move into the den.
Called Nicole and asked if the other two kids ever had colic. She reminded me we adopted them already weaned and toilet trained. I asked her what toilet trained meant and she said something cryptic. I’ll have to copy that to Ron. He knows everything. I’m pretty proud of myself, I used the word cryptic in a sentence. I was reading one of Ron’s books the other day and came across it. Very cool. I think I’ll insist on it being in my next script, and why not part of the title as well?
The house is finally quiet. Katie just came downstairs for some of her special diet we fixed up for her. She still isn’t talking to me. She’ll get over it. She always does. She’s such a trooper.